I see Tiff writing on the blog and I just kinda keep to myself. But lately, I’ve had some pretty major revelations in my life, mainly dealing with how the majority of my time is spent.
I have been in mortgage banking, both commercial and residential, over 15 years. I’ve considered it my calling, it’s what I do. Over the last few weeks, I have really been questioning everything in my life, in regards to the value I place on things. I got caught up in being a motocrosser, a banker, a Marine etc.. and had no real identity outside of the things I did. Who am I? Am I just the stuff I do and when it’s over, do I need to grab onto something else for significance? It seemed to feel like that. The truth is, what you do is not who you are. Because when it’s gone, you’ll always be left trying to figure out what life really is for your soul.
I had a pretty bad crash on my motorcycle last year and spent a few months in a wheel chair. I’m still limited in my shoulder and ankle movement, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah I know, boo-hoo, whoa is me, but it’s not like that at all. I am truly thankful to be done racing, but I do miss the excitement I felt and don’t know how to replace those feelings. I liked being in the Marine Corps alot. I loved and still love motocross, I just can’t do it the way I used to. God gave me soul that likes to push, so I know there’s something else out there. But life moves on, and so must we.
Over the last two weeks, I was hit hard with the realization that my job isn’t really getting it done for me from a fulfillment perspective (nor money for that matter). I love working with people, figuring out problems and delivering an outcome that exceeds expectations. In doing this over and over and over again for 15 years, I’m realizing it’s not the job I love. It’s the people I like, it’s the families, it’s the relationships that are created. It’s the result of being given the opportunity and trust, to perform a service for someone. Being here has really allowed me (and made me) adapt to not having the luxuries we had in the states. But most of the stuff I had, I justified the expense or need to keep up.
My gym here consists of some rocks, bamboo sticks, a few chairs, and pretty much anything else I can find to throw, lift, or push, it’s nice to have to be creative again. The need to be respected in peoples’ minds for who I could make them think I was, is not important to me anymore. I don’t know why, but I just feel a sense of self like I have never had before. I am meant to help people, but in a different capacity than before. Everyday leading up to this one, has gotten me ready for where I am now.
I think the most significant breakthrough came last Friday, when writing. I made the discovery (a discovery for me), that success is not a destination, success is a path you travel mentally. It’s truly a decision you make at the snap of a finger to change the way you operate. You know in your heart and head what’s right and wrong, it’s a matter of doing it. And more than that, knowing you are successful. Simply making a decision to be more engaged in your day, down to every small decision. Even an incremental improvement can go a long way. Success for me, is dealing with my kids or my wife, and at the end of the day, not regreting anything, always wanting more for them, but not comdemning myself for any of my actions. It’s not where you end up when a deal gets done, its how you do the deal. Successful days consist of successful seconds, and those seconds are shaped at the interaction of past and future, called The Now. Now is the only time you have to create your history. We burn these seconds everyday and never really have any type of goal or mission in mind. But beyond a mission, there must be a vision for your life that you design your goals and missions around. That’s who you are, and that’s what I’m searching for. It’s not about money, as money is an anchor of security. It’s about faith, hope and contribution. Faith and hope that there is something more in store for you by living the successful seconds of your life. Contribution by giving beyond your self-interest. You can’t be secure and test faith. I won’t keep throwing out quotes, but Einstein said, ” The great many problems we face, cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”. It’s one of my favorites.
The last few days I have woken up feeling like I am moving the direction I am being called, and will figure out how to make everything else work. For those who know me, I think they’d say for the most part, I am genuinely interested in people. I am finally writing a book. Something I’ve always wanted to do, but never felt like I was qualified. I’m sure if you ask any writer, they would make edits till the cows come home and, so I guess you just start. Don’t get it perfect, just get it going. I know me writing a book sounds weird to a lot of people and that’s okay, but know this for a fact, we were all created for a reason. I look back at the last 10 years of my life (which has been amazing to look back on), and can’t remember all of the feelings of stress, fear and anger. I just remember situations. Looking back on even a month ago, I can’t believe I would stress over anything. You don’t recall that stuff later on in life, so why live it now.
Learning is remembering. Socrates said that, and the funny thing is, I already knew this stuff. I’ve studied alot of speakers, psychologists, marketing people, and athletes for as much as they could give me on how to succeed, but had no definition of success for me. Today, I’m sitting here in the cabana with the sun shining, having no real fear I could possibly think of and no real reason to stress. This is success for me: content, but ready to grow. To know that almost every minute of today, I have had an active awareness in how my day went.
Costa Rica is a beautiful place, but when we came here, it was about uncertainty. It was about wanting something new, and knowing I couldn’t feel as bad as I did when I left the states. I was lost to say the least. Not the kind of father I wanted my boys to see, or the person I wanted my girls to marry. The beauty in life is that things can change in a second. But don’t wait for it to change, go figure it out, adapt to what comes your way and don’t care what people say about you. The only reason people gossip or are critical is because they are scared. Scared to chase anything for fear of failure, so they try to bring people to their level, and does it really matter anyway? Don’t get me wrong, when we started out on this journey, I had no idea what to expect, but didn’t care anymore. God’s delays are not his denials, and like it’s been said before, there is always light after the dark. This post is supposed to be about our Costa Rican experience, and it is in every way.
Billy toomey706@gmail.com
Hi Bill,
Thank you so much for including me in your email distribution for your blog post. I had no idea Tiffany was dealing with so much right now. I will say a little prayer and hope you are all well. Thank you for sharing your experience. I really enjoyed it:)
Courtney (Villas Tranquilas)
Hi Billy~
This is an absolutely incredible post. If you ever want to post it as a guest blogger, let me know. It is such a statement of personal responsibility.
With gratitude,
Julie – Tiff’s friend from playgroup long ago 😉
Hey Bill – Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I’ll send Tiff my direct email so we can set a guest post up for you on my blog. Hope you are having a great 2011!
J~
Oh Billy that was beautiful! Your words were very inspiring. I’m so glad you have had this amazing opportunity with your family, to be connected with just each other. Ernie and I can relate to you guys as every state and country we have moved to has brought us closer and stronger. Cherish this pace of life you are living my friend!
I think your calling is author…looking forward to the book!
Good stuff Bill. Very inspiring and real. Makes me think of my own situation and reality in a whole different way.
Send me a copy of that book when it’s done.
What a great way to put it! I have dreamed of writing a book for years. Crazy! I have never known where to start but you have given me some inspiration.
Beautiful post! I know it’s been a wonderful experience for you, Tiffany and the kids. I miss you all very much but know you’re learning and enjoying the time more than you could’ve imagined. So happy for each of you! love & hugs, Tracy
Great writing Billy. I am so glad that you and Tiffany came to our little world. You are a breath of fresh air for many of us.
Bill-I agree with Joe, you are a better writer than you give yourself credit for and wicked smart, dude.
That was awesome. Thank you so much for writing that. You have no idea the impact that your blog will have on my life and that of my family’s.
Clearly, you’re a better writer than you give yourself credit for.